Ignorance is bliss - RWBY CRACK FIC
by NeverCameUpFromTheRabbitHole
Summary: Roman has kidnapped Ruby and is now boring her to death with a musical number, back-up vocals by Cinder, Cleo and Mercury - CRACK FIC (NO PAIRINGS) Property of Monty Oum and Rooster teeth


_**AN: Dedicated to RomanRubyShipper and XX-Kaiser's-Angel-XX, who i am loving right now :), This is based on the song "Ignorance is bliss" by Jellyfish (Link here: watch?v=cEVeto3LQxg) and its a really funny song, But anyway enjoy...**_

**Roman Torchwick was busy spilling his evil plans to Ruby Rose, when she butted in.**

**"You? You make Ozpin and Goodwitch look like the huntsmen they are; you're too much of a dumbass to pull something like that off."**

**"So? I'll just use you as a hostage, they won't attack me if they know you're here because ignorance is bliss."**

_(Cue song)_

**Roman rattles the cell he'd been keeping Ruby in and takes her out.**

_"Wake up! Miss Ruby Rose, it is I, the mastermind and thief, Roman Torchwick. I'm a villain as you see, and a little ginger and a little mean, but on the whole I'd say, super-duper."_

**He leaves, and Cinder, Mercury and Cleo come up to continue his song.**

_"Miss Ruby Rose, I know you're frightened, but if you knew just why you're here, the fear would just be heightened…"_

**Roman jumps back in, causing the other three criminals to scatter quickly**

_"So let's just say: ignorance is bliss."_

**He moves her into another, dungeon-like room.**

_"Oh well I hate to be a bummer I brought you here to bring me bother , you know those teachers, oh what's their names? Oh yes, Glynda and Ozpin, just the sound of them makes my head spin, I'd like to take my melodic cudgel, I'd play my own game."_

**He leaves once more, and Cinder, Mercury and Cleo enter the room.**

_"Miss Ruby Rose, you're so misguided, I've never been fond of smart kids but then again this one does make good Ozpin bait."_

**Roman comes back in.**

_"Oh I can't wait. Ignorance is bliss."_

**Roman takes her up to the warehouse roof which looks over Vale.**

_"With criminal skills I'll shower those moronic huntsmen with my power, until Vale is nothing but a crater in the ground. My only problem with these fellas-"_

**He motions to Vale with a sweeping gesture of his arm,**

_"is that I know not what they tell us, and every hex leaves me perplexed and all I want are those teaching fools." _

**Roman takes her to a new room and leaves again, Cinder, Mercury and Cleo come in**.

_"Miss Ruby Rose, you're not so clever, all your words are alphabet soup, a picture tells it better."_

**Roman busts back in.**

_"I'll say it again, ignorance is bliss! Haven't you heard, a picture's worth a thousand words.."_

**Ruby takes this time to flee, and runs out to the exit, to find it blocked. She looks back to see Roman behind her**.

_"They all call you a Huntress, but you're a brainiac without a dress, I can't believe you waste time with these books."_

**He throws a Beacon study guide to the side disdainfully**_._

_"You remind me of my kid sister, she read so much she got a blister, and a big one, I mean big, on her brain, what a shnook!"_

**Roman then rubs his hands together and looks out the window in a sinister way, envisioning what Ozpin and Glynda had done to him spitefully.**

_"I'd like to get my hands…(sees them talking about their defeat of him at a bar) just one time with a monkey wrench…(sees them intervene when they see him on the roof threatening Ruby) I'd like to hunt them down.(sees them watch as he was pelted with ice)"_

**Cinder, Mercury and Cleo pick up Ruby, and prevent escape, then rush outside, where Ozpin, Glynda, the rest of team RWBY and JNPR are making a charge at the castle. They run away from them, with Ruby still being carried.**

_"Miss Ruby Rose, I know you're frightened (but you're so misguided). But if you knew just why you're here, your fear would just be heightened. Miss Ruby Rose, you're not so clever (pictures say it better) all your words are alphabet soup, a picture tells it better."_

**Roman buzzes in just as the white fang minions and Cinder, Mercury and Cleo are being defeated.**

_"For the last time-"_

**He glances around to see that he has no backup, and that there are weapons pointed at him. Ruby is smiling victoriously. He nervously looks at them.**

_"On second thought, I think I've made my point."_

**_AN: READ AND REVIEW, COOKIES, LOVE AND ROMAN FOR ANYONE WHO REVIEWS :)_**


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